Her Grandson has ADHD and ODD. What Can She Do to Help Him? Question of the Week #3.

An anonymous Facebook User asks asks:

Hi! I'm new to this group. I recently joined because I have a grandson who has ADHD and ODD. I am looking for ways to help him.

By providing consistent support and understanding, you don't just help your grandson overcome challenges—you empower him to unlock his full potential and build a future of success.

Welcome to the group! It’s wonderful that you’re reaching out for support and looking for ways to help your grandson thrive despite his challenges with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). As a former special educator, I can offer some practical tips and strategies that may make a big difference for both you and your grandson.

1. Understand the Conditions:

To start, it’s helpful to have a deeper understanding of ADHD and ODD.

For ADHD:

• Children with ADHD often struggle with sustaining attention, completing tasks, and controlling impulses.

• They may be more prone to forgetfulness and may need extra time to complete assignments.

For ODD:

• Children with ODD often show frequent temper tantrums, argumentative behavior, and refusal to follow rules.

• They may engage in power struggles, which can be challenging for caregivers and educators.

While these two conditions often coexist, it’s important to address them individually, as they require different approaches.

2. Create a Structured Environment:

Children with ADHD and ODD thrive in environments that are predictable and organized. A structured routine helps reduce anxiety and provides clear expectations for behavior. Here are a few ways to structure your grandson’s environment:

• Visual Schedules: Use visual aids (like a chart or calendar) to outline the day’s activities, making it easier for him to anticipate what’s coming next. This is especially helpful for children with ADHD, who may struggle with transitions.

• Consistent Routines: Stick to a routine as much as possible, especially for key activities such as meal times, homework, and bedtime. A routine can help him feel more secure and reduce impulsive behavior.

• Clear Expectations: Establish rules that are simple, direct, and easy to understand. Be sure to follow through with consequences and rewards, keeping the approach consistent across different settings. Without the consistent consequences and rewards, you may as well not have any rules.

  
  

3. Use Positive Reinforcement:

Positive reinforcement is key to encouraging good behavior and motivating your grandson. When a child with ADHD and ODD experiences regular success, it boosts their self-esteem and makes them more likely to engage in positive behaviors.

• Praise Efforts, Not Just Results: Acknowledge small steps of progress, even if they don't result in perfection. For example, if he worked hard on an assignment, praise the effort instead of focusing solely on whether the task was completed perfectly.

• Reward Systems: Create a reward system where he can earn small rewards for following rules or achieving specific goals. For example, earning stickers or points can lead to a bigger reward like extra playtime or a fun activity. It's important as the child gets older to start moving away from immediate, tangible rewards and replace that with delayed gratification, or building intrinsic motivation instead.

  
  

4. Foster Self-Regulation Skills:

Children with ADHD often struggle with impulse control, so helping your grandson learn strategies to regulate his behavior is essential. This includes recognizing when he’s starting to feel frustrated or overwhelmed and learning how to manage those feelings.

• Mindfulness Techniques: Simple breathing exercises or mindfulness activities can help him calm down when he feels upset. Try activities like "belly breathing" (breathing in through the nose, holding, and then exhaling slowly) to help him refocus.

• Use a “Cool-Down” Space: Set up a designated area where he can go when he needs to take a break. This could be a cozy corner with calming sensory items or a quiet space where he can take deep breaths and reset. With my oldest son in particular who struggled with this, we used a "calming corner" full of fidgets and sensory toys that he would play with while sitting in his calming chair.

  
  

5. Consistency with Discipline:

Children with ODD often test boundaries and may engage in oppositional behavior. Consistent discipline is crucial to help them learn the consequences of their actions.

• Set Clear Boundaries: Be firm but calm when enforcing rules. Avoid power struggles or arguments, as they can escalate the situation. Instead, use clear and concise language to explain what behavior is expected and what the consequences will be if those expectations are not met.

  • For an added bonus, Google the "broken record technique".

• Use Natural Consequences: Where possible, let natural consequences occur. For example, if he refuses to do his homework, he might miss out on fun activities later. This helps him understand the direct impact of his actions.

• Stay Calm and Manage Your Own Emotions: It’s essential to maintain your composure during difficult moments. Children with ODD often push buttons to get a reaction, so modeling calm behavior can help de-escalate the situation.

  
  

6. Collaborate with Professionals:

As your grandson’s support system, it’s important to work closely with his teachers, school staff, and any healthcare professionals involved in his care. By collaborating, you can create a more consistent approach both at home and at school.

• IEP (Individualized Education Plan): If your grandson is not already on an IEP, consider exploring this option. An IEP can provide accommodations and supports, such as extended time for assignments or a behavior plan, that will help him succeed academically and socially in the school setting. Grandparents can absolutely be part of the IEP team if the parents are okay with it!

• Therapeutic Support: Behavioral therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help children with ODD learn how to better manage their emotions and behaviors. Consider seeking therapy for him to build these skills. Check with your grandson's parents and their insurance provider and see if they offer coverage for any of these private therapy supports. Sometimes working parents just need help from grandparents to get their kid to therapy. This is another great way to support your grandson!

  
  

7. Promote Social Skills and Emotional Awareness:

Children with ADHD and ODD may struggle with social interactions due to impulsivity or difficulty understanding others’ emotions. Helping your grandson develop social skills can improve his relationships with peers and adults.

• Role-Playing: Practice social scenarios with him, such as taking turns, using polite language, and handling conflict calmly. Role-playing helps him prepare for real-life situations. When he gets more skilled, have him order at a restaurant or ask for help at various places in the community. Generalizing these skills overtime is the main goal.

• Focus on Empathy: Encourage him to consider how others might feel in different situations. Books, movies, or discussions about emotions can help foster empathy.

  
  

8. Practice Patience and Self-Care:

Supporting a child with ADHD and ODD can be exhausting at times, so it’s important to take care of yourself as well. Your emotional well-being will help you remain patient and effective as you guide your grandson through his challenges.

• Self-Care: Take breaks when you can. Whether it’s a walk, reading a book, or simply enjoying a cup of tea, taking time for yourself will recharge your energy and patience.

• Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to other family members, friends, or professional counselors for support. It’s important to have a network of people who understand what you’re going through and can offer guidance.

  
  

Final Thoughts:

Supporting your grandson with ADHD and ODD can certainly be challenging, but with the right strategies in place, he can thrive. Keep in mind that small successes are still successes, and your consistent love, structure, and support are what will make the most significant impact on his growth. You’re already on the right track by seeking out resources and advice, and I’m confident that with time and patience, you’ll help him unlock his full potential.

Feel free to reach out if you have more questions or need additional guidance. You’ve got this! 😊